Jokes!


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Computer Nerd/Hacker jokes, pick up lines, humor, etc…………. GO!

P.s. No gamer jokes

38replies
14voices
18views
13images

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There’s no place like 127.0.0.1


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  1. Why do Java Developers wear glasses?

  2. Because they can’t C#

;)

[deleted user]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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MaxLockhart: facepalm* to that but in a good way! :D

What is the best way to cure a sick computer? With anti-virotics.

TaaRt
5 years ago

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What’s the difference between an iPhone’s security and a stone?

A stone is hard to crack.

[deleted user]
5 years ago

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Lol, true. :)

[deleted user]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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And hey Max, there’s some people who [s]can’t[/s] don’t see and still don’t wear glasses, if you catch my drift. ;)

TaaRt
5 years ago

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Why do programmers confuse Haloween and Christmas?

‘cause OCT 31 = DEC 25

[deleted user]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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Omg… that’s another facepalm* :D I didn’t even notice that, but lol whatever. :)

TaaRt
5 years ago

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Image

[deleted user]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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I’m not keen on Java… :p

What’s a programmers favourite cake?
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http://stackoverflow.com/questions/234075/what-is-your-best-programmer-joke

jayssj11
5 years ago

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rock catchphrases . i love them

Reply has been removed
Voorm
5 years ago

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Image

Cyan Wind [freewind1012]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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I love this xkcd although I can’t get some jokes. xD

[deleted user]
5 years ago

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Mystery [kapuccino]
5 years ago

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LOL. These ones are really funny. :v


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The ones from Stackoverflow I found hilarious!


1. Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?  

    A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!  

2. A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"  

3. Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.  

4. Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?  

    A: none, that's a hardware problem  

5. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.  

6. ["hip","hip"]  

7. Software is like sex: It's better when it's free. (Linus Torvalds)  

8. A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says  
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"  
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer"  
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"  
"We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors."  

9. Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.  

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”  

“Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”  

Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.  

Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”  

God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”  

10.   


Why programmers like UNIX:  

unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep  

and this fucking AMAZING meme had me laughing so fucking hard! Image
That’s some cheeky shit right there….


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@TaaRt and @crypticvoid …

TaaRt, I just realized that I reposted your joke lol. That was hilarious though. I didn’t get it at first and then I was ohhh octal/decimal october/december… haha their abbreviations are the same XD :P lol

crypticvoid….. you’re just mean lol That’s funny though. I think all programming languages are good for their own thing. That’s a given. Just think that it’s better the more you know. I’m learning assembly right now and it’s…. weird/fun.

[deleted user]
5 years ago

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It ain’t my fault the boss doesn’t know much about computer games, lol. :D

xxxx [TheShadowman]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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Couldn’t figure out how to insert an image so here is a screenshot :D
Image

[deleted user]
5 years ago

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@ TheShadowman, to insert an image just click on the picture icon in the box, hover over the icons until you see “Insert image”, or, alternatively, you can type “Image” without the quotes. :)

Zoino
5 years ago

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One of my favs
Image

xxxx [TheShadowman]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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Ah, I see. Thanks crypticvoid for explaining how to do that :D

[deleted user]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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Image

You’re welcome, TheShadowman. :D

Lol, Zoino.


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Some PHP jokes:
public class MohammedAli { float like_a_butterfly; string like_a_bee; }
$_GET['rich'] or die('trying');
$iShower = $_GET['clean']; if ($iShower) { echo getdate(); }

Zoino
5 years ago

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Hahaha those were actually quite good :P


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@freewind1012 you son of a bitch! Thank you…. XD

tojik_bacha
5 years ago

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I don’t know php someone explain me that. And dont tell me “It’s time to learn basic php”


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@tojik_bacha it’s pretty simplejust think about it. It’s all in plain English. Honestly it’s more clever than funny…. If you have trouble do some research on PHP.net


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Okay, so I came up with a couple of my own today when I was at work.

  1. So it’s the company intranets annual ip pool party. Everyone’s getting along and hanging out enjoying themselves while a group of TCP Packets, who decided to go to the river, come apon a UDP Packet and ask, “Hey, would you like to go river rafting with us?” The UDP pauses and resonds disappointed, “Sorry, I can’t go on streams…”

  2. One day a bored UDP packet is talking a stroll while a group of Ping of Death Packets, up to no good, approach the young packet asking, “Wanna come flood a router with us?” The UDP packet takes a second to think and then responds, “YOLO!”

TaaRt
5 years ago

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Nice ones @MaxLockhart

[deleted user]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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It isn’t really a joke but it made me laugh:

Javascript code:
isNaN(" "); /* false */ " "*2; /* 0 */ " "===0; /* false */

So a space is a number, this number multiplied by 2 is equal to 0, but the space isn’t equal to 0.
WTF? ^^

Max Lockhart [MaxLockhart]
5 years ago | edited 5 years ago

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Haha every programming language has their flaws! XD For example while making a website for my friends “work” the other day. When I was doing the stylesheet for the content container I discovered that if you define a parents opacity the childs opacity level will always be affected and there’s no way out. I had to go some round about way to get the desired result. Like so:

CSS

div#container  
    {  
        width:1000px;  
    height:500px;  
    position:relative;  
        }  
div#container:before  
    {  
        top:0px;  
        left:0px;  
    width:1000px;  
    height:500px;  
    border:2px solid black;  
    background-color:#000000;  
        content:'';  
    opacity:0.5;  
        z-index:-1;  
        position:absolute;  
    }  
div#profile  
        {  
        position:relative;  
        top:8px;  
        left:8px;  
        z-index:1;  
        }  

HTML

```

profile

```

Also, in Visual Basic if you use / instead of \ to divide the result get’s all jumbled up. So yeah every language has their flaws and that is why there are successful hackers in the word.

Fireshard
5 years ago

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Ok, not exactly a joke, but a real-life event that just happened to me:

Was chatting on Facebook chat to a friend. At some point, my friend wrote “:)00” (obviously it should’ve been a :)) ). And my first thought was: “you know you’ve been learning hacking for too long when you think of 00 as a failed attempt for a poison-null byte”

Pawda [Memoria]
5 years ago

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@fkpuzat well, it’s just because the string literal for a space is 0 but actually if you proceed on this way you got what you want:
(' '*2) === 0; // true ' ' == 0; //true
Thing is using the === operator means you want to check the type as well and since a string is not a number, you can’t have a “true” while performing ‘ ’ === 0
As for why a space return 0, it’s just the result of Number(‘ ’);

[deleted user]
5 years ago

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Thank you Memoria, I’m a beginner in javascript and I always use === because of Codecademy, I have to keep learning :)


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lol everyone !!!

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